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Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet Act 5

July 26, 2010 by Lori Mitchell

Act 5 Scene 1- Romeo hears that Juliet died, and being the big crybaby, sissy, drama queen that he is, he is inconsolable. If any of you watch the Bachelor, I kind of picture Jason’s breakdown when he let Molly go. Since he hasn’t heard anything from the Friar, he truly thinks Juliet is dead (can we say really stupid plan?) Since he thinks Juliet is dead he goes off to the corner drug dealer and buys his own poison so that he can join Juliet in death. Some may call this romantic….I call it WAY stupid! So Romeo gets his poison and heads on over to Juliet’s tomb so he can die with her.

Act 5 Scene 2- The Friar convinces one of his Friar buddies to take a letter to Romeo telling him of the plan, but as luck would have it the Friar friend ends up getting quarantined for the plague, which by the way he does not have, but regardless the quarantine stops him from getting the letter to Romeo. In the meantime the original Friar realizes that Juliet is going to wake up soon and so he steals her body to hide it until he can get in touch with Romeo.

Act 5 Scene 3- So Roman Polanski, I mean Paris is at Juliet’s tomb playing the mourning lover, because you know, he only met her once and at that meeting she didn’t like him at all, he’s really mourning the fact that he won’t get to molest a 13 year old girl….anyway….he spots Romeo coming to the tomb, and being the pompous jerk that he is, decides it’s Romeo’s fault that Juliet is dead because he thinks Juliet died because she was so distraught over the death of her cousin, so he plots to capture Romeo. Needless to say, he was very surprised when he calls to Romeo and says, “Come with me, I’m capturing you!” and Romeo responds with “Bite me!” Paris tells Romeo he must die, and Romeo agrees! However, Romeo says he will do it his way, but clearly that is not good enough for Paris, who is a bit of a control freak and must have things his way, so he fights Romeo. So Romeo kills Paris and takes Paris’ body into Juliet’s tomb with him (this is really starting to sound like a really bad B movie!). In the tomb, Romeo kisses his beloved Juliet, takes his poison and dies Cheap Viagra pills next to her. Finally the Friar shows up and finds everybody dead, when all of a sudden Juliet wakes up! She asks the Friar where Romeo is, since she is obviously too stupid to see his body lying right cialis 5mg price next to her….sheeeesh. The Friar tells her about both Romeo and Paris’ deaths. Suddenly they hear a noise and the Friar tries to convince Juliet to go with him to a convent, but she refuses to leave her beloved Romeo even though he is dead. Once the Friar leaves Juliet kisses Romeo, hoping there is enough poison on his lips to kill her, but there isn’t so she takes his dagger and plunges it into her chest, as any good drama queen would do and kills herself.

Everybody shows up and finds Romeo and Paris dead and Juliet dead again. Everybody freaks out and then they hear that Lady Capulet is also dead because she has grieved herself to death over Romeo’s banishment. The Prince decides it’s time to end all of the dying and get to the bottom of whole ordeal. The Friar confesses everything. The Prince scolds the feuding families for bringing this tragedy upon themselves and their children, but more importantly upon his happy kingdom! And they all live…well some of them….unhappily ever after!