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Feature Story: Surviving Third Grade

June 21, 2010 by Lori Mitchell

Oh my God!

I was so scared and yet so excited. What on earth was I doing? I wasn’t prepared. Suddenly there were 19 eight year olds in their pretty new clothes and shiny new shoes all looking at me expectantly, like I’m supposed to know what to do. I keep repeating those words of wisdom from my mentor and friend “They will learn in spite of you” Those sweet little faces just kept looking at me. How can 8 year olds hold a stare for that long? Didn’t they ever blink? Do they know I’m a fraud? I’m not really a teacher. This is my first day. I thought I was so prepared. What happened to all of my bravado from the previous week as I was setting up my classroom and getting my plans together? What was I thinking?

Can I really make a difference in the lives of these kids? My reasons for going into teaching escape me for a moment and then I remember. I want to make a difference. I want to be a positive influence. I want the kids to learn to love learning. I want to make a lot of money and have summers off…. ok I’m kidding about that last part! I remember what I was thinking. I remember why I’m there. I’m still terrified!

I was shaking with fright, and yet they still didn’t blink. Why don’t third graders blink? Suddenly Emily broke the ice by offering me a couple of roses that she had picked out of her garden that very morning. Such a sweet little girl. I will be eternally grateful to her.

Sophie decided to raise her hand and inform the class that I’m the prettiest teacher she ever had. Who taught that child the art of kissing up? Then Braden starts making farting noises and the entire class erupts into laughter.

I took my Ed classes so seriously. I never missed a class, but somehow I must have missed the day where they taught about fart noises. Surely, there is a proper way to handle this. Why can’t I remember the lecture on how to handle fart noises? As soon as I get home tonight I’m going to pour through my Ed books. I NEED to find the chapter on fart noises!

OK, these are just normal kids. I can do this. They don’t have to know that I have no idea what I’m doing. I breathe deeply, in and out a couple of times to slow my racing heartbeat. I am not going to hyperventilate right here and right now.

Suddenly, Chloe gets up and walks across the room to have a conversation with her friend. “Chloe, please return to your seat. Marissa is trying to listen.” We start an introduction activity when I hear a thump and the kids erupt into laughter. I turn to see what has caught their attention and see Braden lying on the floor and his chair tipped over. I can see that I will not be able to turn my back on this one. He’s going to be a handful. Chloe gets up once again and wanders around the classroom.

It’s time to pass out papers for the kids to work on an activity to introduce themselves. I have the bright idea to have Chloe pass out the papers since she seems to have a need to be in motion. Chloe manages to kick one boy, poke another and pull one girl’s hair. Note to self…..choosing Chloe is not a wise decision. Chloe manages to get the rest of the papers passed out with no further incidents.

The kids are working nicely, and I’m patting myself on the back for getting through the first 27 of minutes of the day relatively unscathed, when suddenly Chloe decides to throw a crayon across the room.

Though I can’t remember my exact words, I’m pretty sure they weren’t the words that were running through my mind “Knock it off you demon child before I make you regret ruining my first day!” Whatever the words I did manage to choose must have sounded very similar to the ones running through my head because in the next second Chloe was lying on the floor kicking and screaming. She was sobbing hysterically…….what do I do now? cialis chicago My first day of school and I’ve harmed a child for life. She will hate school forever and drop out at 14 and live on the streets, take drugs and drink out of a brown paper bag, all because I failed to communicate with her in a productive manner on her first day of third grade. I’m a failure!!! I’m not meant to teach. What was I thinking? Am I stuck in this contract for an entire year? Is Chloe’s mom going to come beat me up? Suddenly, just as quickly as it started it stopped. Chloe picked herself up and sat back down.

Now it’s time for my first “real teaching” lesson. The class gets out their books, and I get out the teacher manual. This is so easy. In the little margins it tells me what to say and tells me what the kids will respond. How easy can teaching be? Why would anybody think this is difficult? I fake calmness I don’t feel and proudly and professionally read the “SAY” part in the teacher’s manual, and the kids just stare. Perhaps they didn’t hear me. I clear my throat and once again I read the “What is the name of the person who writes the story called?”. The kids mumble responses but they aren’t the responses in the teacher’s Bible. How can this be? How can they not give the response they are supposed to give? This just won’t work!!! If they don’t give the proper “RESPONSE” then the next “SAY” won’t make any sense. The teacher’s book is wrong. It isn’t working. What am I going to do? Suddenly, I get the bright idea to talk to them like I talk to my daughter. I can just explain things to them in simple words. Yeah, this will work. So I start talking and the kids start responding. Amazingly, they even respond with the “RESPONSE” part when I’m not even doing the “SAY” part. Wow, I can do this. Those words of wisdom spoken by my mentor many months ago Buy Cipro Online suddenly make sense. When she first uttered those words, “They will learn in spite of you!” I really had no idea what she was trying to tell me. Now I get it. They are learning. I have no idea how to teach them, but they are learning and it’s only an hour into my first day. I just may be able to do this after all!

The rest of the morning passed in a flurry of activity. Finally, I get to walk my kids to cafeteria. They are in third grade. They know how to walk in a straight line don’t they?

Apparently not. I’m sure a couple of them disappeared somewhere between the classroom and the cafeteria, while the others are pushing, shoving, shouting, poking each other, and just basically all over the campus. Note to self, if you want them to do something right you have to teach them how to do it.

Finally, the kids are eating lunch and I get to go back and hide out in my room. My tummy is too nervous to eat so I skip lunch.

After lunch the kids come back in and we go for a tour around the school and the rest of the day passes with only a few minor disruptions from Braden’s constant need to be a comedian.

Finally the day is over, the kids are on the bus and I can go home, but first I must return to my room and figure out how to keep Jodi from throwing tantrums, Braden from “entertaining” the class, and most importantly, what to do about fart noises.

On my way home I stop by the store and pick up a bottle of wine!

*The names have been changed to protect the guilty.